iLose her
by fatpeoplearesexier
Summary: A tradgedy occurs in Sam's life , she can't cope very well and it's becoming increasingly hard to help her...Will Spencer and Carly etc be able to stop her from doing something dangerous to herself? ...Fo Shizzle not very good at summaryies...
1. Chapter 1

There was a tense atmosphere in the waiting room of hospital in west Seattle. There were distant sounds of machinery, people talking, cell phones going off and even the odd cry from a small child. But to Sam Puckett it was silent. The room was brightly lit, but to Sam Puckett it was dark and dingey. She had her friends with her, but to Sam Puckett she was alone.

Carly Shay, Samantha Puckett and Spenser Shay were sat in the waiting room, anxiously waiting for a doctor to come back and say that everything was fine. That Sam's mom didn't take an overdose of drugs, and that hey weren't going to loose her. Carly put her arm round Sam's shoulder and pulled her in.

"It's ok, I'm sure she'll be fine" she whispered.

But Sam still sat there with her head in her hands. She did appreciate having her best friend next to her, but it didn't help the situation. Sam knew it was a lie. She knew the odds of her mother's survival. She knew she wouldn't be fine.

"Anyone want to play some cards?" said Spencer attempting to break the tension and raise everyone's spirits if only for 5 minutes.

"Spencer, now's not the time for games" whispered Carly as she continued to rub her hand up and down her friends back.

Sam had phoned up Carly about an hour and a half ago saying that when she got home her mother was collapsed on the floor with a needled in her arm. Carly and Spenser rushed to the hospital to meet sam. They arrived there 1 hour ago, and had since not moved from there current position on the benches in the waiting room. Sam hadn't said a word to either of them. Just a shake and a nod of the head when she was asked a question. Sam had arrived before Carly and Spenser as she was taken in the ambulance along with her mother. That was the moment e everything became real for her. When she heard the desperate tone in the paramedics voices, and when she saw her mother being rushed off into another part of the hospital. That's when she realised that this was serious, that there was a strong chance of her loosing her mother. That's when she stopped talking and started thinking.

She may not always like her mother but, she did love her. And despite her mothers somewhat 'crazy' antics, she was always there for Sam. She always defended Sam when her school tried to send her home, and when the cops tried to get Sam to come down to the station for questioning.

She kept thinking that maybe if she hadn't of had that argument with her mom and gone and stayed the night at Carly's place that she would have been able to stop this. She kept thinking about that over and over again. She kept telling herself that her mother's condition was her fault.

10 minutes passed and a man stepped in front of was about 5"8 had a faint moustache and short curly hair, he was sporting navy blue scrubs and holding a clip board in his hands.

"Samantha Puckett" he said, his voice was rough and raspy.

Sam picked her head out of her hands and looked up at him.

"Yeah" she choked.

"May you please come with me" he said as he tuned on his heels and began making his way down the brightly lit hall way.

'_Please let it be a dream, wake up, please. I'm dreaming I know I am'_ was all Sam was thinking while she followed in suit of the doctor.

Spencer and Carly knew what was about to happen. He was about to take Sam into that small little room at the end of every waiting room hallway, away from everyone and tell her that they tried their best but they lost her.

Sam walked slowly; dragging her feet solidly along the floor, as an attempt to prolong the inevitable. She knew her mother wouldn't have made it. She just didn't want to hear someone say she didn't.

5 minutes later Carly saw Sam slowly trudge back down the same hallway the doctor had lead her down only moments ago. Her eyes were staring at her feet, and her hands were in her pockets.

Carly and Spencer stood up from the bench ready to embrace Sam in a hug and tell her how sorry they were for her, and that they would always be there for her.

Sam glanced up at Carly and Spencer, she saw the 'sorry' look on their faces and fell to her knees.

It wasn't a dream. It had happened.

"NOOOOOOOO!" She screamed, holding her head in her hands.

Carly ran up to her, knelt by her side and tried comforting her best she could.

She whispered soothing words into her ear and rubbed her back. Carly was close to tears as well. She knew how much Sam needed and loved her mom.

But all the comforting words in the world would never ease the pain Sam felt inside her chest.

She cried

She cried all night.

She cried while Carly and Spencer were trying to get her off the hospital floor and back into Spencer's car.

She cried all the way to the Bushwell plaza.

She cried and cried and cried.

Samantha Puckett had been broken.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Sorry it's been so long since I updated. I don't have much of an excuse other than the fact that I'm so lazy.**

**Disclaimer: I own iCarly...and when I say iCarly , I actually mean shoes.**

**Hope you enjoy this chappie, if you do ...feel free to tell me :) If you don't, fair does (it's not very good)**

**:D**

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It'd been two weeks since Sam's mom died and Sam still isn't coping with this.

At all.

She's been staying with me and Spencer while we try and sort out the legal side of things, I mean the last thing we'd want is for her to go into a foster home. That'd only break her down more, if that is at all possible which I'm getting pretty sure isn't.

The day after the "incident" me and Freddie did a quick 5 minute web cast explaining that iCarly was on and indefinite hiatus due to "difficult ,personal and unforeseen circumstances" .

It was a difficult and slightly awkward thing to do , but not as awkward as what I had to do next.

I rang Melanie to tell her the news.

Trying to explain to someone that their mother they barely ever see committed suicide , and that their twin sister who they barely ever see found her dead body and is now a broken wreck was hard.

Very hard.

I nearly cried just recalling the events and how they unfolded so I couldn't even begin to imagine how Mel was coping.

I could hear her chocking up a little bit down the phone , and her voice kept cracking when she spoke.

Since then Melanie came back from her boarding school for a couple of weeks to help Sam (and herself) deal with all this, as well as that me and Spence also had to sort out the very unsympathetic and tedious legal side of things for her too.

I felt so sorry for them both.

They lost their mother ( and only parent ) and now they have to deal with being told they're going to be put in a home filled people they don't know and eventually be thrown in with a 'family' they probably won't like.

I know they didn't get on well with their mother but judging by their reactions, you could tell they did truly love her.

I was lucky, my mom died when I was a newborn , so I never really got to know her .It's sad to think about the fact I never knew her, but it's hard to mourn over someone you never met.

Spencer was a little younger than Sam when our mom died so he has slight idea of what Sam is going through….Only a slight one though.

Sam did eventually stop crying but instead replace the tears with sheer silence. In the two weeks Sam has been here, she hasn't spoken to anyone apart from Melanie. and that's only when the two are on their own.

I've tried asking Melanie what Sam has been saying and if there's anything we can do to help her but, every time I , or anyone else , asks her we all get the same response.

"I can't , I promised I wouldn't"

It can be irritating sometimes but I guess we just have to accept the fact that when Sam's ready to talk to someone else she will.

Melanie does reassure me Spence and Freddie that she's not suicidal.

Tomorrow is Monday and Sam will be returning to school.

I honestly don't know what she'll be like. Weather or not she'll talk. Weather she'll even show up. I just don't know.

It breaks my heart to see her like that, she's always been so strong (and loud) , and to see her sat there, on the edge of my bed just staring blankly at her feet, really does make me want to cry.

Maybe one day soon she'll speak up, but I don't want to force her so until that day comes I'll just be supportive of her and be there for her.

She needs her friends.

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**So why don't you review?...It's for the LLAMAS!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hello people! Finally an update. Sorry for the whole "not updating" this story thing i had going on, but I was super busy wit college work and everything, but now it's half term so I'm going to try and update this one as much as possible** :)

**And remeber I DON'T have spell check so if you notice and spelling/gramatical errors, do point them out and I'll try my best to change them :)**

**Oh...enjoy the story...  
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It was a quiet morning in the Shay household. Carly was eating a bowl of cereal whilst trying to cram in some extra revision for a history test she had later on today, Spencer was sat, absent mindedly flicking through the T.V channels and failing to find anything of interest, and Sam and Melanie Puckett were up in Carly's bedroom packing up the last of Melanie's things. The night before Spencer had gotten a call from social services saying that Melanie was also to return to school, and that when everything had been sorted out with where the two would be permanently staying, they'd pay for her flight back out, had they need to.

So today was the day that Melanie was leaving to go back to that prissy boarding school up state. She didn't want to leave. Not because she hated school, in fact she loved it like Sam loved food. She just loved the concept of learning knew things and expanding her knowledge range, as well as the added bonus of living with her classmates/ best friends all term long. She didn't want to leave because she didn't want to leave her sister. Now was the time where Sam needed Melanie the most, although she'll never admit it. Melanie was worried how Sam would cope with things, I mean she'd barely said a word the past 2 weeks, and the only time she had it was to Melanie.

After about 5 more minutes of packing Melanie looked at her watch.

"The cab'll be here in about 10 minutes" she said as she zipped up her suitcase.

"Oh yeah" Sam said, avoiding eye contact with her.

"Look Sam, I'll call you everyday, we'll email and stuff, and before you know it I'll be back" Melanie said while gently rubbing sam's arm.

"I know, I just…it's …I don't wanna go back to school" replied Sam.

Melanie smiled, knowing Sam would never admit that she wanted her sister to stay.

"Hey look, when I get back we'll go pay that Gibby boy a visit, do you think he'll be freaked out by seeing two Sam's?"

Sam lifted her head and smiled.

"Promise?"

"Promise"

Sam chuckled "That boy's therapist won't know what hit her"

Melanie smiled, happy knowing that she'd made Sam do the same thing. The two had decided to say their goodbyes up in Carly's room, away from everyone else.

"Look Sam, take care of yourself, I'll be back before you know it" Melanie said as she leaned in and hugged Sam. She returned the hug but said nothing. "Don't be afraid to speak to someone and ask for help with anything, it doesn't mean your weak, anyway I'll give you a call as soon as I land"

"Yeah, I'll see you around then" Sam said as they separated.

"Be good in school yeah?"

"No promises" Sam said, and with that Melanie picked up her suitcase and headed for the door.

"I love you Sam"

"I suppose I kind of love you too" she replied as Melanie let out a soft laugh and opened the door, heading downstairs and into the rest of the world.

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**I know not a whole lot happened in this chapter, but I just wanted to show that Sam really does love Melanie...and stuff..**

**Anywho, how're you? fancy giving me a review?**

**Remeber : Save a tree, eat a beaver.  
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